Two of my sons, Clint and Dane, taught me about texting a few years ago. But I don’t particularly like receiving or sending texts. If someone has something to tell me, I wish they’d just call me or e-mail me. And I prefer calling or e-mailing others if I have something to say to them.
The main reason for my antique attitude is my antique cell phone and the antique pay plan it’s on, all of which I’m happy with.
My cell phone is so old it doesn’t take pictures, have games I can play or connect to the Internet. It also doesn’t get e-mail, and the keypad is too small for fat fingers to conveniently type outgoing text messages.
But that’s quite all right with me; I acquired my cell phone to — believe it or not — make and receive phone calls. Period. And it does that just fine.
Under my cell phone’s pay plan, text messages are not free. It costs me money to both send and receive them. One month, when I received a lot of texts, all of them unsolicited, I had an extra $12 charge on my bill.
If the folks who sent the texts that month had called or e-mailed me instead, there would have been no additional charge. I could have used that $12 to buy something worthwhile, like a bag of popcorn and a Coke at the movies.
There’s another reason I am not keen on texting. To save time, texters use lots of abbreviations instead of writing out entire phrases. And, non-texter that I am, I’ve been slow to catch on to the meanings of the acronyms.
An example: A man I know once ended his message to me with the abbreviation LOL. I put on my thinking cap and figured out that stood for Lots of Love, which I thought was a bit strange because he and I weren’t that close.
Turns out that LOL, while it can stand for Lots of Love, generally is short for Laughing Out Loud.
Since then, I’ve learned (but not by choice) some other popular chat acronyms. Here are a few of them:
BRB: Be Right Back
BTW: By The Way
BFF: Best Friends Forever
IMHO: In My Humble Opinion
LMAO: Laughing My A– Off
OMG: Oh My God
ROTFLMAO: Rolling On The Floor Laughing My A– Off
TMI: Too Much Information
If you’re on the elderly side and, unlike me, want to text someone, you may wish to use some of the following acronyms a friend sent me:
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFLACGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing And Can’t Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
As always, thanks for reading. As for me, GGTAN. (Gotta Go Take A Nap)
Copyright 2011 by Phil Roberts, Creative Enterprises. This piece submitted as a column to The North Scott Press, Eldridge, Iowa.