Wrong restroom and other true tales

21 Apr

After dining at a Davenport restaurant that I will not be naming, my wife waited in the lobby after we finished our meals while I used the bathroom. She wasn’t watching when I went in. But when I walked out of the restroom, her eyes opened to the size of silver dollars, and her mouth dropped open.
“You just walked out of the women’s restroom!” she exclaimed. “Didn’t you see the big W on the door?”
“No,” I answered. “I didn’t look at the door because I thought I remembered using that particular restroom the last time we were here.”
She made a derogatory comment about my memory.
“But now that you mention it,” I said, “I don’t remember seeing any urinals in there. And there was a bench with a cushion on it for seating. They never put those in men’s restrooms.”
“You are just lucky no women walked in while you were there,” she said.

I am not the worrying type. If I were, I’d be worrying a lot about the development of so-called driverless cars, vehicles operated by computers.
Computers crash now and then. I think driverless cars will do the same thing.

I recently spotted a good parking place at a store and nearly pulled into it. Then I read a sign that said it was reserved for expectant mothers.
My wife suggested, “Shave your beard, and you might get by with it.”

I was planning to attend an upcoming show at the Adler Theatre in Davenport. But I now have decided not to go.
Advertising for the event indicated tickets could be purchased at the theater’s box office or via Ticketmaster. The ad said to make a box office purchase, one had to show up in person, which is not as convenient as buying online or by phone.
(I verified in a phone call to the theater it sells tickets only in person.)
So I decided to order my tickets online via Ticketmaster, even though it would mean paying Ticketmaster’s handling charge.
I chose the seats I wanted and tried to purchase them online. But every time I got to the Ticketmaster page asking how I wanted to pay for them, it flashed on the computer monitor for about two seconds, then disappeared.
I tried making the purchase more than half a dozen times using two different Macintosh computers and one PC. The results were always the same: The payment page showed up for a couple of seconds and was gone before I could enter a credit card number to make the buy.
Not one to give up easily, I called Ticketmaster’s toll-free phone number. The recording that answered said all agents were busy and I should call back later.
I did call back later – several times, in fact – and got the same message. The recording also said I could purchase tickets by pressing a certain button on my phone and be connected with an automated operator (a computer).
Based on the experiences I’d had up to that point, I decided not to take my chances, and I hung up. When the Adler performance takes place, I won’t be there. I expect to be home in my recliner watching a DVD of the performer.
It’s available for roughly $12 at, and I know Amazon will accept my online purchase.

My wife and I recently drove to Minneapolis to visit our grandchildren and their parents.
On the way home, I noticed a bumper sticker on a car a little ahead of mine in the next lane.
“Free the Bean,” I read aloud. “I wonder what that means.”
When I got a little closer, I saw the bumper sticker was promoting presidential candidate Bernie Sanders and actually said Feel the Bern.
It may be time for some stronger lenses in my glasses.

Copyright 2016 by Phil Roberts, Creative Enterprises. This was submitted as a column to The North Scott Press, Eldridge Iowa.

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Posted by on April 21, 2016 in Uncategorized


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